Its the first day of the new year and I’m always excited when this day comes. I’m all about new! Yes, I admit I do like new things, but that’s not the new I’m talking about. I love, love, love new beginnings. The adrenaline rush that comes over me when a new idea surfaces.
Through the years I’ve had many great ideas. I’m the one who can see the end result from the beginning. I’ve watched others at times when I’ve shared some new thing. Me all giddy and chattering on about this new thing becoming a reality. All the while they’re thinking about what it would take to even do such a thing. My poor friends and family must think I’m crazy at times.
This post you’re reading now…well, it feels crazy new, but its not a new thing at all. I still remember my first diary. I must have been in elementary school and it was the coolest gift to me. The little gold key that unlocked its latch somehow gave me the courage to write. There in the pages this ten year old would share her heart and then lock it up tight and hide it under my mattress. I don’t remember what I wrote about in those days. Somewhere along the way I lost the precious little book with the gold lock, but I didn’t lose the desire to write.
Over the years diaries turned into journals. I’m sure there are at least ten in the house right now, and I don’t tend to fill one up before I begin another. They hide away tucked in drawers around the house complete with song titles and gratitude lists…prayers, scriptures and my thoughts on all the above.
And then came blogging. It all began with a way to let parents know what their kids were up to at summer camp. Camp counselor by day…blogger by night. It was late as we returned to our cabin from worship. Ten giggling girls all nestled in beds. We just finished devotional and heard the “lights out!” call. The computer screen lighting the face of the sweet one next to me. She’s looking at me with tears sparkling in her eyes. “What’s the matter? Are you homesick?” I ask.
She shakes her head and smiles, “No, I just can’t believe Jesus loves us that much.”
We left camp all filled up and I just kept on blogging. It’s scary, risky business for an introvert to share thoughts that aren’t tucked away under mattresses. I’m an expert at smiling on the outside and hiding all the inside. It takes years for me to feel safe enough to share with someone. There’s always those thoughts like little creatures gnawing at the fringes of my mind. What will they think of this? Will they understand or judge? If they really, truly knew me…it wouldn’t be enough.
For years, maybe my entire life, the thought of not being enough has driven me. Something is always driving us you know. Some hurt or hang-up…some lie the enemy has sown into our lives. My little friend said it all that night…”I just can’t believe Jesus loves us that much”. Its the beautiful picture of grace. God containing Himself in skin just to reveal His love for us. Can you imagine how much He must have wanted to break free at times? How often did that skin feel like prison chains? That’s what His life was all about…setting us free. It’s the struggle we all face in some way…getting free from who we think we are to be who we are in Him.
And there you have it my friends. My prayer for 2016 and every year to come. May we live free in Him and always remember who we are and whose we are.