Letting Go to Give Thanks

Nope. Not Today!

My college days were steeped in math to prepare me for teaching. Even though I don’t teach formally now I often help out those who need some one-on-one. I work through the quiz review with my son’s friend, and he mentions synthetic division.

Synthetic division… what?

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I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen this before, but a quick on-line tutorial helps. We move on to Decartes Rule of Signs, and I take a moment to figure it out.

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I teach. He works the problems. And when he gets the final problem correct he exclaims, “You should’ve home schooled us. Think about how smart we would be!”

Long after he’s gone and the youngest has headed off to bed, I think about his words. I could’ve homeschooled them. Maybe I should have. Maybe the youngest wouldn’t struggle as much. Maybe I should’ve. Maybe I could’ve…

I attempt to drop off to sleep as the thoughts linger. Oh how easy it is to get caught up in this game of should’ve, would’ve, could’ve. One single statement sends me looking back over my mess ups, and missteps. My failures seem to expand in size. Before I know it I’m playing a game I never wanted to play.

And honestly, it is a game of arrogance and pride. Because no matter what choice I made then, there is no way to know the outcome. This game is based on my strength, my talent, my ability. A faithless game I’ll never win.

I breathe deep and let go…

Nope. Not today Satan. I won’t play this game today.

Instead I’ll give thanks. For public schools and private schools and homeschools. For the master’s degree, the trade school completion and highschool graduation. Because giving thanks for each leads me to focus on the One who has already obtained the victory.

For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?

–1John 5:4-5

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